I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
