Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
