I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
