are you still at the devil's house?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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