Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize