You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize