he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
