I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
