The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
