I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
