My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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