I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
