I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
