I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
