When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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