Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
