I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
