We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
