I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
