its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
