i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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