I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
