there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
