I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
