He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize