Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
