On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
