The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
