you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
