what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
