i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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