i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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