I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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