i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
