**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Me. At least after what I've been through.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
