he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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