You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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