Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
