Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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