coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
