Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
