you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
