just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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