either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
