Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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