You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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