What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
