I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
