Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
