my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
