I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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