Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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