I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
