Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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