I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
