it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
