She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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