Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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