before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize