First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
