Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
