we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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