KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
