You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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