It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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