There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
