I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
porn star boner night. come get it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize