Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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