shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
